I spend my days doing the same old shit. I watched Californication Season Two all evening. I spent my afternoon asleep on the couch in berthing. Wow, what a day. I ate lunch and dinner with my boyfriend who drives me crazy. He gets pissy with me when I talk about my sexual past and yet he can freely talk about the hooker he fucked in Singapore? Fuck that. I know he's "kidding" but sometimes he really needs to think before he speaks. He likes to get under my skin just to do it. Somehow he can always make me smile. I am genuinely happier now than I ever have been. I don't cry almost ever. It's good for me.
I got the first email from a friend back home today. 144 days of deployment and I get my FIRST email from a 'friend' back home. How do I even consider these people friends anymore? I get more emails from exboyfriends and flings and fucks than I have from my friends! I don't know if I'm really ready for a relationship. I like to have fun. To do what I wish. We'll see how things happen when we get back home. I have a great guy. He's amazing. He makes me happy when I don't even WANT to be happy. Then there's the infamous other man. He's got a smokin' hot body! He's kind of... dumb, though. Which is sad. Why can't the pretty ones be smart too? Shawne's pretty. And smart.
He's perfect for me and I still can't just be fucking HAPPY!?
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